


Blood Of Ours: Prelude

by Aster_MacGuffin



Series: Blood Of Ours [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Juxtaposition, M/M, Parenthood, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Science Fiction, Sexual Assault, Speculative fiction, in vitro gametogenesis, mentions of childhood trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-04-27 19:44:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14432766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aster_MacGuffin/pseuds/Aster_MacGuffin
Summary: Two years into marriage, Ryan and Shane decide to have a child. Ryan thinks of adoption; his husband, however, is planning a highly unconventional, heavily scientific, and ethically controversial method.Shane wants them to be parents through in vitro gametogenesis, a process that allows same-sex couples to have biological babies. But before the plan can even be executed, the couple must first deal with some of their deep-rooted issues. Are they really ready for the challenges of parenthood?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! My (pen) name is Aster and this is my debut work in AO3! Yes, I was the nerd in Tumblr who wrote a philosophical essay about [Why Ryan Bergara Is Attractive](https://astermacguffin.tumblr.com/post/169542431263/why-is-ryan-bergara-attractive-a-philosophical), along with [The Physics of the Hotdoga “Holograms”](https://astermacguffin.tumblr.com/post/172171540513/rycnbergara-a-question-about-the-hotdaga-if). (Check out my blog [here!](https://astermacguffin.tumblr.com/) If you’re interested, I also once wrote a [lyrical analysis](https://astermacguffin.tumblr.com/post/162037282578/a-comparative-analysis-between-nathan-smith) on NateWantsToBattle and a [metatextual essay](https://astermacguffin.tumblr.com/post/163717565518/anti-the-death-and-rebirth-of-the-author) about how the Antisepticeye phenomenon works.)
> 
> Anyway, this trilogy is under the genre of speculative fiction, mainly using SciFi elements to allow readers to speculate about how a world with biological same-sex parenting will look like. This fanfic is born out of my undying love for Parent!fics and m!preg’s lack of scientific rigor. (I read tons of research papers and science journals for this shit. Talk about being DESPERATE.)
> 
> This isn’t exactly the futuristic SciFi common in pop culture and media, mostly because in vitro gametogenesis, CRISPR gene editing, and artificial wombs are already a real thing right now (2018), albeit not yet advanced enough to achieve the described results in this work. Again, this is a speculation of a world where these three biotechs are already in their full potential.
> 
> This trilogy is composed of the Prelude (before the pregnancy), the Bridge (during the pregnancy), and the Coda (after the pregnancy). Please mind the tags because this gets REALLY dark and fucked up as it goes. (We’ll get a fluffy, heartfelt ending in the Coda so don’t worry!) Please tell me your thoughts about this!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of everything.

Ryan was surprised how being married to Shane changed nothing about their relationship while at the same time changing everything about it.

Sometimes it feels like a mere label slapped on for the sake of it, like a social contract designed to merge familial circles. Sometimes, however, a bit of magic slips into the equation, giving Ryan the epiphany that there is something more to marriage than just a strip of metal around your finger and legal obligations.

Tonight is one of those moments. Huddled together in their couch as they watch an episode of Black Mirror, Ryan can't help but wonder how an exchange of vows can add so much meaning to an experience as mundane as watching TV with someone.

With his head pressed against Shane's chest and Shane's arm wrapped around him as he absorbs the show, Ryan thinks: _This is what contentment feels like._

"You know, if they try to reconstruct an artificial me out of all my interactions in the web, they'll have a weird ass AI," Shane says, referring to the current episode on screen, "Be Right Back".

The remark brings out a wheeze out of the Ryan. "I don't think I want that to happen, because that implies that you died.  I don't want you dead."

"Aww, you do love me," Shane teases, landing a soft kiss on his husband's temple.

"Shut up, Shane," Ryan says, the grin on his mouth and the fondness of his voice showing no hints of malice. "To be fair, though, I've seen your old tweets. Their neural network is gonna have a hard time deciphering what the fuck is going on with that head of yours."

"My noggin's a mystery, baby!"

Ryan shakes his head, laughing. _God, I love this idiot_ , he thinks.

They continued to watch the episode in silence. When the credits are finally rolling, a sudden thought rams itself into Ryan's head and out his mouth. Maybe it's a thought induced by the episode or maybe the idea has always been there, just waiting for a trigger.

"Hey, do you want to have a child?"

Shane stares at him first out of shock before pausing the TV and letting a chuckle erupt from him. "Why, so you have someone to visit the android me when you dump it in the attic?" Shane jokes, referencing the episode that just concluded.

The look Ryan gives him drops the silly grin on his face. "You're serious."

"I mean," Ryan pauses, trying to formulate a meaningful response, "yeah, I guess? We're two years married now and I think I'm ready to have a child. I want to. Don't you want to be a parent, too?"

"Ryan, this is a big move. Parenthood is a huge responsibility."

"You didn't answer my question."

"The idea sounds very appealing, I'll give you that," Shane says, ignoring Ryan's remark. "But being a parent is no easy task."

"You're still not answering my—"

"Think of all the financial concerns, the impact of parenthood on our work and married life, the current sociopolitical climate of—"

"It's a simple yes or no—"

"YES! Of course, I want to, Ryan! But I don't always need to fulfill my wants! God, are we really having this conversation right now?!" Shane says in frustration. Ryan is out of his embrace now and is facing him properly.

"Well, if we don't talk about this now...then when?" The softness of Ryan's voice, paired with the sight of his tear-moist eyes, weakens Shane.

A sigh of defeat leaks out of Shane. "Look, I...I'm sorry, okay? It's just that," he looks at the ceiling for a while with tears threatening to leak out, as if staring at it would give him answers, "I'm scared. Really, stupidly scared."

The vulnerable look that Shane gives him is a rare sight.

"Hey, I'm scared, too. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't give it a shot, right?"

"I don't want to fuck this up," Shane says weakly, finally looking at Ryan's eyes properly.

"We're not gonna fuck this up."

The transformation of the "I" into the "We" is a gift of the married life that Shane will forever be thankful for.

Ryan places both hands on his husband's face and presses a sweet, soft kiss on Shane's lips.

"How about this: we both get two weeks," Ryan suggests, "to research all about our choices for parenthood and all the ups and downs we're gonna face if we decide to actually do it. Sounds great?"

A pause. And finally, an answer.

"Yeah. Thank you." The smile on Shane's face reminds Ryan that this is the most beautiful man his eyes ever laid upon.

"Wanna continue watching?" Ryan says, already cuddling back to Shane.

Shane's hum of approval is a sufficient answer.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Two weeks have passed and the day has finally arrived.

Each of them has their own folder full of research notes as if this is just another episode of True Crime. Ryan is really excited to show his husband his research. Shane is giddy as well, although for...entirely different reasons.

"Okay. Who gets to present first?" Ryan asks.

"Please," Shane says, gesturing to the general space of their living room, "take the floor. I want to save the best for last."

"This is not a competition, Shane. We're just showing each other the considerations we need to keep in mind about parenthood," Ryan says as he hops off the couch and picks up his folder on the coffee table.

"We'll see about that," Shane says meaningfully.

Ryan shrugs it off as the typical weird display of Shane-being-Shane behavior and starts off his presentation.

As much as Shane hates to be rude, Ryan's entire spiel about adoption just went through his head in a blur. He's so excited to present his own research that it's all he can really focus on. Ryan presents him all the legal procedures necessary for an adoption, along with profiles of candidates for adoption. He also presents behavioral and psychological research on adopted children, the ideal age for adoption, and how they can best help the child's mental growth.

The problem's not about Ryan; his research is coherent and well put together, perhaps even more organized than Shane's. _It's just not as...world-changing as my plan_ , Shane thinks.

"...and that's basically it. I'm not really sure how different your research will be compared to mine, but go ahead, big guy."

Shane pauses for a while to prepare himself. Taking a deep breath and plastering a huge smile on his face, Shane responds.

"Oh, trust me. This is VERY different. You're gonna love this, Ryan."


	2. Chapter 2

“You prepared a Powerpoint presentation?” Ryan asks as Shane prepared his laptop, amused by how much effort he exerted in…whatever this is.

“I told you this is something else,” he replies, winking at his husband.

The first slide shows up on the laptop screen. “Project Trinity by Eden Biolabs,” Ryan reads out loud. With confusion on his face, he turns to Shane for answers, only to find his husband with a wide and silly grin on his face.

“I’m so excited to tell you about this gem I found,” Shane says, almost bouncing up and down in anticipation. “Do you remember my roommate back in college?”

“Michael? “ Ryan pauses for a while to rack his brain up. “Well, a little bit. You never really told me a lot about him. Why?”

“Okay, so I was scouring the Internet last week to look for other alternatives for us aside from adoption,” Shane says, hitting up the next slide, “and so I stumbled upon the website of Eden Biolabs. They specialize in biotechnology and genetic engineering, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to check their stuff for a bit.”

Something in Ryan’s gut is already starting to stir in the wrong way, but he lets his husband go on.

“So while I was on their About page, I took a quick scroll at the Staff section. And whaddya know?” Shane says, moving to the next slide that shows a photo of Michael Smith. “Mike’s their head researcher!”

An epiphany dawns on Ryan. “Oh, yeah! He was a Molecular Biology major, right?”

“Yep!” Shane responds. “So I made a video call so we can, you know, have a little chat. Catch up on what’s going on with our lives. I did mention that we’re planning to have a child, though. Which leads us to…”

The next slide shows up. “IVG or in vitro gametogenesis,” Shane continues. “You’ve heard of IVF, right?”

“In vitro fertilization? The…umm, test tube babies?”

Shane hums in response. “This is like that, but a lot more advanced. I mean, clearly, none of us have egg cells, right? So classic IVF won’t really work for us.”

Ryan’s brows are furrowed. “Okay, go on.”

“You see, instead of just harvesting the egg and sperm cells from both potential parents, in IVG, they get stem cells instead, which they then convert to egg and sperm cells! I know I’m oversimplifying it but that’s basically the concept of it. IVG allows same-sex couples to have biological babies, Ryan!”

“W…what?”

“I know, right?” Shane says, grinning widely in excitement. “That was my reaction to Michael, too!”

Ryan still can’t wrap his head around it. “I-wha...how…?”

“It’s crazy, I know. Science is fucking wild. But that’s not all,” Shane says, moving to the next slide. “You see, they also have this new gene editing technology called CRISPR or…hold on.” He pauses for a bit, readying himself to read the acronym’s definition.

His husband beats him to it, though. “Clustered Regularly Interspaced Palindromic Repeats,” Ryan says flawlessly.

Shane stares at him for a bit, awestruck. “How can you say that so smoothly and yet you still mess up saying February?”

A wheeze escapes from them both. “Shut up, Shane. Continue your thing,” Ryan encourages.

“Okay. This is also a lot of complicated science, but what it does is allow scientists to cut, insert, and replace specific sequences of DNA in the specimen’s genome with extreme accuracy. This is like the Holy Grail of gene editing. Its applications for multiple fields are endless, but in the context of IVG, CRISPR works wonders.”

Ryan focuses on the screen as the next slide flashes in.

“With CRISPR, we can remove all risks of our child getting certain diseases like anemia, color blindness, and even Alzheimer’s! We just remove the genes we don’t want and add in the ones we do. The baby will be immune to lots of stuff before they’re even born!”

“That’s…” Ryan pauses. “Amazing.”

“Not only that,” Shane adds, “we can also pick what phenotypic traits we want to manifest in our child! Green eyes, fair skin, blond hair, whatever it is. We can even choose what biological sex we want for our baby!”

This catches Ryan off guard for a bit. _Is that ethical?_

“Something still doesn’t make sense,” he finally manages to say.

“Hmm? What is it?” Shane asks.

“IVG solved our lack-of-ovaries issue, sure. But what about our lack of uterus? Who’s gonna carry the baby? Are we getting a surrogate?”

_Because I don’t think I’m that comfortable with the idea of getting a surrogate._ He doesn’t say it out loud, though.

“Excellent question!” Shane says way too enthusiastically as if he’s a game show host. ”It wouldn’t really be called Project Trinity without a third biotech, right? That leads us to our next part, which is…Artificial Wombs!” he exclaims as the next slide appears.

Ryan stares at the slide for a while. For some reason, something flips in his stomach. Suddenly, the idea of a human surrogate they can communicate with sounds way better than a robotic womb carrying a designer baby.

“ARWOs are actually a lot safer than natural conception, you know? All factors and variables concerning the child's safety and growth are monitored and controlled by the scientists, so it’s all cool! Plus, no one’s life is at risk compared to natural pregnancy, which risks both mother and child,” Shane says matter-of-factly, unaffected by the gravity of what he said.

 Shane continues to ramble further about natural pregnancy risks and more advanced science stuff, but Ryan's starting to blur out his surroundings. _Science that allows same-sex couples to have biological babies...this kind of power is almost godlike._

"...but as good as all of this may be, there's a catch." 

The line pulls Ryan out of his reverie.

"You see…the ethical and moral controversies surrounding IVG makes it hard to sell to the masses. Hell, this tech’s been here since 2010 and no one seems to have heard about it!”

“Wait, it’s been around for that long? Did media just sleep on this big scoop?” Ryan asks.

“There was actually a bit of a buzz about it back in 2011 that quickly died down. Besides, no one reads the science journals, Ryan.”

“Except the nerds,” he teases, knowing that Shane sometimes checks the journals out.

“Except the nerds.”

“So, umm…the catch?” Ryan reminds.

“Oh, yeah! About that…” Shane hesitates, scratching his nose a bit. “I…kinda agreed to help Mike set up a marketing campaign.”

“And so? Shane, we work at Buzzfeed. We can get media stuff done in a breeze.”

“Exactly. If we agree to take part of the procedure, we become the face of Trinity. Our would-be baby becomes its poster child.”

Ryan stares at him blankly. _Oh. OH._

“All previous clients so far have refused the offer, protected by their signed contracts. Chosen anonymity and confidentiality, all that stuff,” Shane continues. “Trinity needs an aggressive marketing campaign or else…they’re pulling the plug. Mike’s project will be discontinued.”

“And our online presence as Buzzfeed creators will give it the spotlight it needs,” Ryan says, putting the pieces together.

“Yep.”

Shane examines Ryan’s face to gauge his feelings about the project’s conditions. So far, he has no idea what’s running in his husband’s face. The silence that hangs in the room is not unexpected.

Finally, Ryan speaks. “Can’t we just have the procedure without the marketing stuff?”

“Well technically, we can,” he explains. “But in doing so, we’ll be Trinity’s first and last subjects. Ryan, this will be a life changer for future families in future generations. I don’t want to take this opportunity away from them.”

“Shane, believe me. This concept sounds so enticing but… isn't adoption way less complicated compared to all of this? I mean, why do you even want a child of your own blood anyway?”

"Ryan, I have no issues with adopting a child, okay? It's just...” Shane pauses.  “Well, isn't it way more endearing to think that _you_ yourself created life?”

The glassy look in Shane’s eyes makes him appear so vulnerable.

“I...I've always dreamed of bringing forth something grand and good into existence. A child is one of those things, Ry.”

A humorless laugh escapes Shane’s mouth. “You know I rarely get into cheesy stuff, but making a child _together_ , that's like…like, fusing fragments of our soul and nourishing life out of that union. A breathing being with a soul that we…WE made.”

Ryan rarely hears Shane wax poetics about stuff, so hearing all of this is…something.

“Accepting this offer will not only help us create a life of our own but also ensure the possibility of future lives for future families. Please, if you're not ready for it yet...at least give yourself some time to think.”

Silence again envelops the room. Ryan mulls over everything Shane said.

“Anything to say? I think I just said the cheesiest lines that ever came out of my mouth so at least say something,” Shane says, attempting to spill in some humor back in the air.

Finally, Ryan responds. “Do we waste fragments of our soul when we masturbate?”

The tension breaks and the two wheezes after minutes of silence.

“Th-that’s the only thing you,” Shane pauses to laugh before continuing, “y-you got from everything I said?’

 “Hi, I’m Shane Madej and I eat SOULS in bed!” Ryan jokes, doing a silly voice in an attempt to mimic Shane.

They continue with their fits of laughter, happy to finally sink back to their normal banter.  When they finally manage to calm down, the silence that returns in the room is way more comfortable than earlier.

“But seriously,” Shane says, “I know this is all too much to absorb. I understand. You know that I'll respect your choice no matter what, right? We'll go with your plans if you really aren't okay with mine."

“Okay.”

The kisses that followed are more than welcome after all that tension. ~~Let’s just say…they wasted a few fragments of their souls that night.~~

 

 


End file.
